ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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