Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
