there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
