sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
