Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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