I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
