you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this will be a night to untag.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
