I cockslap morals
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no you cant smoke seaweed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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