Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
