Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
