Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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