I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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