So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
