I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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