he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
