i think i have two assholes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
