she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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