Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
