So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
