foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
