i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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