I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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