Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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