it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
