last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
