k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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