phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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