May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
