Swine flu. Run for my life!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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