for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
