wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
