Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
