He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
