Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
