I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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