i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
