In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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