Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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