I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
