Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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