i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
