i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
