I wish I could punch you in the face.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
