ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
