Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think people are normalizing furries
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
