Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How external is "for external use only"?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
