...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
