fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
