I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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