remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
